Mapping My Anxiety

Beating it, saving it, investing it

Today, I climbed that hill / Source: Author

As someone who has dealt with anxiety my entire life, I appreciate reading and hearing other people’s experiences. But the stories people tell often aren’t specific enough.

I can’t relate.

I want to know exactly how you experience anxiety on the ground.

For example, when I lived in San Francisco I used to ride my bike a lot. However, anxiety robbed me of more bike rides than I can count.

I remember it so well.

I’d grab my bike from the apartment building’s garage and ride it about 90 seconds to the corner of Haight and Baker.

Then I’d sit there, at the top of the hill that would propel me toward Divisadero, sometimes for up to an hour. Frozen in fear, the source of which I still can’t put my finger on.

Half the time I’d muster the courage to actually go for a ride.

The other half, I’d retreat to my apartment and sit in my room. Ruminating about anything I could find to be anxious about.

Today — about 15 years later — I did the same thing, but in my current home, Los Angeles.